Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
