hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
