Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize