sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
