I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
