if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
