remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We got so high we made milksteak
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
