there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize