he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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