just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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