I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Say something about gay babies.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
