I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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