Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize