Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
