Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
