I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
