if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
two words: eviction party
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
