Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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