remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
