She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
