Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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