How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
