sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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