my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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