I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My life is pants optional.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
His nipple licking is glorious
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