Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm passing your future prison.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
