Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
