So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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