Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
