idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm having to shit out rocks
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