three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
