Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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