It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
