Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
