I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize