What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
