I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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