You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
