Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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