I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
