so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
