oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
