Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
