I cockslap morals
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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