hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
