dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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