I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
