Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize