Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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