I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
