the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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