After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
