I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
