I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
