chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
