"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
