I think I died a long time ago.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
