Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
