How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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