Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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