there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
