there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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