YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
