either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize