I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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