Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize