Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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