But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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