is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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