Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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