apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
