How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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