I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
