Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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