His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
