I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
