I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
