I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
