Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize