you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
