his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
