you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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