Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
