So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
