this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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