apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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