I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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