Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
