OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
