What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
