i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
